(All photos taken with my camera phone.  With nicer weather and more natural light around the corner, I’m really going to try to make an effort to get back to taking REAL photos.  Chris would be so sad to know how much dust my beautiful camera has collected over the last 7+ months.)

Shane is POTTY TRAINED!!!!  Finally!!!

I know this is late; he’ll be 4 in May.  But remember that this little boy lost a year of his life because his Daddy fought cancer and lost.  I’m SO proud of him.  For all he’s overcome and accomplished; considering all he’s been dealt!  And I know his Daddy is smiling down on us, too.

We spent last weekend in potty training lockdown, and aside from a few accidents (and a LOT of Lysol wipes) Shane’s been doing great!  I’m not proud.  I totally bribed him.  I promised him anything he wanted at Toys R Us.  Luckily, I got away easy.  What easily could’ve been a VERY expensive shopping trip only cost me $50 and Shane is SO happy, SO in love with his new toys and SO proud of himself!  Way to go, buddy!

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I find “interesting” ways to keep myself busy.  Time on my hands is just time for me to think about our situation and be sad; so I do all I can to avoid having free time!  I’ve taken up craft projects, I’ve taught myself to sew, I’ve done some painting around the house, some furniture re-arranging, some switching up of the accessories - anything I can think of to keep my mind and hands busy.  A few weekends ago I did this:

It’s a lousy picture, I know, but I created a photo wall in the family room on the wall behind the couch.  I love photographs.  They take me back to happier times; times I often have trouble recalling on my own right now.  They bring me comfort.  Pictures of our “real life”.  Pictures before cancer.  Pictures back when life was easy and infertility was our biggest concern.  It’s not 100% finished yet, I still want to get another large canvas of Chris and Shane to hang on the part of the wall that you can’t see.   (I promise to take a real picture someday soon and post an update.)

Part of that photo wall includes these photos:

The most beautiful frame on the wall is one that my son made for me for Valentine’s Day.  With Uncle Jamie’s help (and patience!) Shane made me my very first handmade photo frame.  I love the artwork, the colors, the choice of stickers - I love that it comes from my little boy.  On a day I hadn’t been looking forward to.

And the photo above it?  A picture off my husband back in his childhood soccer days.  Chris loved the sport and I’ve heard so many stories over the years about the fun the was had, and the lifelong friendships that were formed, because of soccer.  It’s only fitting that the photo had a place on our family wall.  Thank you SO much, Aunt Mary, for mailing me the photo.  I’ll treasure it always.

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On an already stressful morning, on a morning where we were already running late, Shane decides he NEEDS a hashbrown from McDonald’s.  His “belly is SO hungry” after all.  So I pull into the drive-thru lane at a “playland” McDonald’s, it’s not the one we usually go to, and on the way out Shane SCREAMS from the backseat “Shane-Daddy (a.k.a. Shane AND Daddy) go down BIG slide!”  Me, being totally confused, asked him again what he said and he told me that he and Daddy went down that big slide.  He must’ve caught a glimpse of the slide in the playland through the big front window and had that memory.  And the whole thing must’ve been instantaneous.  I immediately burst into tears (I’m running on raw emotion, lots of stress and little sleep this week) SO thankful that he had a 100% pure memory of his Daddy.  Because Chris did used to take him there.  And maybe they did go down the slide (at the very least they would’ve watched the other kids).  Shane’s excitement this morning reminded me why I do this.  Why I put so much pressure and stress on myself.  I do it for Chris.  I do it so Shane will know Chris.  And, clearly, he does.  THAT is worth anything that I have to endure.